There’s Grass Somewhere,
But I Don’t Know How to Find It
And if I’m wrong, what blue pulse
would darken? For years I went not knowing
why I spoke to water, why my fork stitched lace
over every plate. What thing did you water
to make me love like a socket? I do knit bricks
around my stomach, a stray licking itself sour.
As a child I lived like a crumb beneath the cushion,
now I wear pity like a dinner napkin. There are people
in this room who don’t want me.
I know them.
I must have been a girl someone spoke to—I knew
each word left the mouth. You’re sure I love
for the utility, but show me an oven who doesn’t
love her baker. Believe me. My first love was yellow
gloves my mother wore to wash dishes. Please, I won’t ever
be this young again. My mother still calls to say she made
my bed, each month she airs dust off the linen.
She lasts like breath in a stone lung,
but I could live one day, if or when
I’m ready to.
*poem from Stop Wanting, Cleveland State University Poetry Center, 2014